Monday, 16 March 2015

Hillary Verses Barbie

Yesterday there was an urgent news report for all you mom's out there. Shock and horror it seems the latest toy for girls this Christmas will be the Hillary Clinton Doll. She's going to challenge Barbie for supremacy. Poor Barbie won't stand a chance.  How can the bimbo blonde stand up against this political dominatrix. Poor Ken will be on his knees destined to be a slave to Hillary.

Personally I wasn't even sure there was a Hillary doll. I ended up using trusty Google  and for sure there it was on eBay.

Fingers crossed my daughter won't be putting this on her Christmas list.

.Hillary Clinton Dancing Boogie Diva Animated Doll

I even found a Hillary Nutcracker. I'm sure Bill has seen her use that
The Hillary Nutcracker

And this amusing set of Nesting dolls of Bill's Mistresses.

Bill Clinton, Hillary and the Mistresses Nesting Dolls

Wednesday, 4 March 2015

Exploring the darker side

Last week I was browsing other blogs. Some were very interesting, others mundane and some very risqué.
One of the blogs I found dealt with the subject of various fetishes , mainly BDSM. Being a small town girl who married her high school sweetheart my knowledge on this subject was non existent.

Over the past week I find myself drawn to this blog and I have even found similar blogs to read as well. I feel drawn to this darker side. On Sunday I was in the drug store and bought myself a copy of Fifty Shades Of Grey. I actually felt my heart pounding wildly at the checkout thinking the cashier is going to blab to half the town that I bought a copy.
Imagining  the ladies at the church snickering behind my back. However all the cashier said was its a good book you'll enjoy it.
I started reading it, wasn't too impressed to begin with but decided to stick with it. Millions of women cant be wrong. Then it got interesting ,very  interesting. So, much so I was up until 3am on a workday reading it. It has stirred up so many longings in my body.
I want my darling hubby to transform into Christian Gray. I want him to tie me up, blindfold me, spank me. My problem is im very shy sexually and I don't know how to broach the subject. I'm also nervous to tell hubby in case he laughs in my face. Then I'll feel stupid.

I have never thought as myself as a subservient woman. But, after reading this book and these blogs I feel drawn to explore further. I just don't know how to begin this journey.

Thursday, 26 February 2015

Master Cook NOT

I was watching the  Junior Master chef final last night. I couldn't believe what amazing cooks these young boys were. The winner was Nathan 12 yrs old. He cooked a superb rack of lamb and an Earl grey tea tart . My mouth was watering . Congratulations to both boys

I was imaging Gordon Ramsey critiquing my food. It might go something like this  (this was a real supper I made a few nights ago. That didn't quite go to plan)

Ophelia, pasta is meant to to be spread throughout the dish. Not congealed in lumpy maze not even Einstein could unravel.

Gordon tries the meat sauce and goes quite red in the face. Ophelia, when the recipe says 2 cloves of garlic that does not mean 2 whole garlic bulbs. Please , get this woman a Dictionary.

Gordon throws the garlic bread across the room, breaking a window. Ophelia its as hard as a rock.

Dessert was Ice Cream. Think I couldn't mess that up. THINK AGAIN

Wednesday, 25 February 2015

Swallows Fly South

After enduring yet another day of relentless mind numbing cold and sun. I found myself lingering outside the travel agency on my way home. I checked out the last minute deals and found a really cheap one for the week I have booked off in March. My mind is spinning with warm thoughts of sun, a pool, frozen marguerites.

I go home filled with longing and decide to broach the subject with darling hubby.
I say can you get the second week of March off.
He says, I suppose so why
I say wouldn't you like to go on holiday somewhere warm
No, replies the grumpy toad aka darling hubby
Why not I say
We're not wasting money on a holiday. We need a new window for the guest room
That can wait I say
It's cold in there he says. You can't expect people to sleep in there.

Do I care if it's cold in there. Nope.
In the past five years we've had maybe 5 guests. Who cares if possible future guests are cold.
I'm Cold NOW.

Tuesday, 24 February 2015

Diet Disaster

Today my diet begins. Well actually my diet begins everyday and ends everyday at 10am. My day starts with resolve a healthy breakfast, pack a healthy lunch, plan out a healthy supper. But, by 10am coffee break my stress level is rocketing into space and I feel the threat of imminent stroke coming on. There is only one way to fix it the euphoric taste of chocolate. All my resolve out of the door I make my way to the vending machine.
Today as I'm putting another piece of mint chocolate aero into my mouth feeling it melt and send me into a euphoric chocolate filled ecstasy I decide to check the email messages on my phone.

One of the email messages is off Group On. Todays offer is Jillian Michaels Body Revolution for the bargain price of $44.99 instead of $157.99. Fifteen discs of gruelling workouts to reshape your body.
I'm certain I'd never make it through one DVD without Jillian here cracking the whip. My current exercise routine involves walking the mall, loading up on shopping then carrying back to my car. Followed on Friday and Saturday by dumbbell curls at the bar. The server fills my large glass with wine and I lift it to and from my mouth.

So ,i think I'm destined to never have a svelte sculptured body unless of course Group on does a deal on sending me Jillian Michaels in person for six months for $9.99.

Monday, 23 February 2015

Morning Warning

Today is a disaster already and its only 90 minutes in. The twitching , snoring lump ,also known as darling husband, kept me awake half the night. Hence the bitter description from my sleep deprived brain. Then if that isn't bad enough the weather outside is wonderful ( note of sarcasm there) .Minus double digit temperatures and snow. Oh no not just a few lovely white flakes but tons of it.

Out I go in my pj's ,winter jacket, and  snow boots to dig out my car. Can't find my mitts, so my hands are frozen. Remember I left mitts on my car seat, fat good they'll do me in there .Now you may ask where was darling husband while I'm freezing my butt off outside. Oh, he's in the shower, warmly washing off the last remnants of his blissful sleep.

I come in and scowl at him. All he says is did you bring the paper in. No, I angrily retort and stamp to the bathroom. Would you believe it no hot water left. I hurry to dress and grab some coffee to take to work. No time for breakfast after shovelling.

What does darling husband say to me before I leave. Your looking haggard this morning. It took every ounce of willpower for me not to punch him in the face.